I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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