Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
