Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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