Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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