I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
