Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
