I think I am morally bankrupt
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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