Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
