She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
