My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
