You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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