hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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