By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
