Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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