I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
