Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
