The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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