would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
