I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
