Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
