Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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