Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
