she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
