you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
