My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
