This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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