lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
