Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
