yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
