puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
