I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
