Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
