When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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