We're facebook friends in real life
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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