I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
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No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
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You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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