After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
