True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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