When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
