So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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