Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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