the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
