Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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