ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
