we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
