guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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