I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
