i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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