whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
