I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
