is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
