So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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