Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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