I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
