she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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