So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
