She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
