i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
