Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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