You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
