Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
