i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
