Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
