I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Mom said you looked used
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
