Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
