dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
