and i looked up. we had an audience...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
