Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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